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just one of those days, I guess

I do believe, when I popped my head up around these here parts, I said that I probably wouldn't be doing any SPN fic. And that kind of still holds, except, you know, not. I have no intention (ha!) of actually doing much of anything. But playing with comment fic is one of those outlets I suspect I might need sometimes. Also, I can be as obscure, undisciplined and under the radar as I want. With this 'verse, that has a personal kind of importance. /oblique irrelevancy

Title: this feeling in my gut
Ficverse: SPN (in-universe AU, in this case)
Series: SPN comment!fic
Rating: Gen / PG
Length: 350 ish
Characters: Sam Wesson
Prompted and posted: from 1.06, Skin
Dean: Remember when I said this wasn't our kind of problem?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Definitely our kind of problem.

Notes: not entirely sure why I found myself writing Sam, even AU!Sam. Not confident in my ability to catch his voice. I know we all tend to gentleness, sweetness and light toward one another's efforts, but if I didn't hit it, let me know. How else am I going to learn?!?

Disclaimers: not mine, at all, at all.
Warnings/Spoilers: set toward the end of 4.17, It's a Terrible Life.

Feedback: let's hear it. The good, the bad, the ugly....




Sam Wesson stopped, staring at the playing card that, if he could be bothered to flick it into the trash can, would make him 15-and-0. He’d always had exceptional coordination for a geek, and this was just one more of those random, trivial skills he picked up because it was something to do. Something to pass the time, while out there, unbeknown to him, to anyone, ghosts went around killing people. While he sat in a cubicle and gave tech support.

He didn’t know why Dean Smith’s refusal to – what, to trust Sam’s instinct? want to come on the road with him to fight ghosts? approve of him? – anyway, why it bothered him so much. Why it made him doubt himself.

You don’t want to go fighting ghosts with no health insurance!

Sam felt petulance pull at his face, and shook it off with a grimace. He was 26 – old enough to do this on his own, and definitely too old to be pouting like a bitch. So what if Dean Smith was a douche with some fruity cleansing diet obsession? So what if he’d been mistaken about knowing who Dean really was under all that? What difference did it make if he agreed or not? Sam knew, in some dark bowel of his being, far below any rational argument anyone could make, that he was in the wrong life. Normal. Safe. Meaningless. Wrong.

It was just ... rationalize against it all he could, Dean’s rejection had thrown him. It undermined his righteous determination to go out and hunt things, save people, his conviction that this was his problem to deal with ... tempted him to stay at his day job and forget this ever happened.

He glanced at his clock: 3.47. He was going to be wrecked tomorrow – today – at work, but he’d already tried to sleep and couldn’t.

He sighed. He supposed he’d better try again. He’d think all this through tomorrow, after all the excitement died down a little and he could reason more objectively. Maybe he was being rash. Maybe tomorrow everything would become clear.


( 4 speakses — have a speak )
Aug. 11th, 2010 11:01 am (UTC)
Nice! I do wish we'd seen a bit more of Sam Wesson in the episode. I especially want to know how the AU came to an end for him (I'm guessing Zachariah didn't show up in person...just a switch flicked and the world changed). We never find out how it affects him!
Aug. 11th, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks :)

What I liked so much about Sam Wesson is that, cleared of all the baggage and the crap of Sam's life, he was the first to recognise and wholeheartedly embrace their call to be hunters. Most hunters get in the game because of supernatural-related trauma, but he would have done it because it's the right thing to do – because that's who Sam is.

We never find out how it affects him!

Yeah, exactly. :(
Aug. 11th, 2010 11:40 am (UTC)
Not entirely sure why I found myself writing Sam, even AU!Sam.

*Hermione hands*

OOH I KNOW!! It's MY fault!! :D

Not confident in my ability to catch his voice.

His tone shifts a lot more than Dean's does, but I think you nailed it here - Sam Wesson is sort of like when you get drunk and just lose your filter? And then get frustrated that nobody will take you seriously? Yeah. If Sam did that. Lol.
Aug. 11th, 2010 07:21 pm (UTC)
Hm, let me think ... QUITE POSSIBLY YES. :D

I think you nailed it here

Thanks – coming from you, that's a good sign. (And I did actually suspect he might have had a drink or two at this point, but he wouldn't tell me, the moody bugger.) I see Sam (Wesson or not) as someone whose thoughts just circle and circle ... and circle. Way down into himself.

But Wesson hasn't been on the angst parade all his life, so I was glad when he pulled out of the nose dive himself, even before I had to smack him back into line. When writing is often like hearding cats, it's nice when the character just sits there and tells you what they're doing so you can copy it down and check the spelling. :)
( 4 speakses — have a speak )

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