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30 Days of SPN - Day 13

Ah, right. Of course we’re not going to dwell on the up-beat stuff; this is SPN, after all. At least we’ve got past the f-word, for now anyway....


... Oh.

I meant “favourite”. The other f-word is saved for special occasions only.

Day 13 - A scene that makes you sad/cry
So I can just pick any random scene that makes me cry, then. Easy: John saying goodbye to his boys before going to Hell, which was, by the way, for both of them. I mean, yes, the major dynamics going on were embodied (no pun intended) by Dean in that hospital bed; by John sitting there silently, drowning in the realization of what his crusade has cost his sons. But do you think he was only thinking about Dean? He and Sam have spent the entire episode up until now (and the episodes before that) fighting. John knows he can’t give Sam the stability or support that Dean can; he knows he can’t save Sam where it counts, not in body but in spirit and soul. His gift of life to Dean was his gift of Dean to Sam.

Too bad he forgot to, you know, mention that. And that Dean wouldn’t truly get it for another three seasons.

But enough of what could have been. Let’s look at what was, because that’s what makes me cry: John crying. Or, more accurately, the love and pride that is breaking out of him as he tries to find and communicate the most important things – the deathbed, final-words goodbye – to his firstborn. On the relational level and the missional level. Of course, that split priority results in both being imperfectly communicated, but this isn’t a strength of his and he’s torn in so many things about to happen and he’s trying so damn hard to be the father he once dreamed of being with this child.

And this after his soft little plea with Sam to not fight. Knowing this was going to be the last time they ever spoke, he just wanted to not fight. *wibbles*

Plus, then, the bookend: Dean talking to John’s grave in What Is and What Should Never Be. Trying to grasp what John had been trying to say; trying to learn who the son John dreamed of having was, because it’s inconceivable to him that he is just that. Trying to come to terms with the impossible choice John was faced with and had passed on to him. Leaving the most crucial lines unsaid, as they were in In My Time, because (in this case) that’s a line of privacy that Dean has earned. We didn’t hear and could never comprehend the burden John placed on Dean, and likewise we didn’t explicitly hear Dean’s conclusion in working through that burden. (Which he got partly right and partly wrong, but anyway.)

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January 2016
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